By Edwin Cooney
Okay, here it is straight. I don’t like the way the subject of immigration in general and illegal immigration in particular is being framed for political discussion or debate.
As most of my closest friends will tell you, I seldom walk away from an argument and sometimes I’m even accused of provoking one. However, I’ve seldom used these columns to complain. This week is an exception.
Some weeks ago, one of my readers sent me an email describing what took place at an “Immigration and Overpopulation Conference” held in Washington, D.C. back in 2004. Readers were assured that this conference was attended by some of the “finest minds and leaders in America”.
One of the attendees included Dr. Victor Davis Hanson who had authored a book entitled Mexifornia in which he wrote about the eventual domination of the Golden State by Hispanics who have little or no loyalty to our culture or our nation.
Another attendee was former Colorado Governor Richard Lamm, a Democrat, who, after listening to Dr. Hanson’s presentation of an inevitable takeover of California by an “uneducated, criminal and disloyal class of Hispanics”, stood up and gave his own “stunning” speech entitled “I have a Plan to Destroy America”. His plan was composed of eight distinct parts. They were:
1. Remake America into a bilingual and bicultural country
2. Convince this minority that they are victims of the native majority
3. Celebrate diversity rather than unity by substituting “the melting pot” metaphor with “the salad bowl” metaphor
4. Insure the establishment and growth of an undereducated class
5. Create foundations to finance such minority victimhood
6. Establish duel citizenship and thus divided loyalty
7. Make any criticism of diversity taboo
8. And of course, ignore Dr. Hanson’s book.
Governor Lamm supported his contention that an influx of foreigners would destroy America by citing the history of Greece and Rome. The citizens of those two societies stopped thinking of themselves as part of a larger culture and reverted into city-states. Greece and Rome fell long before the advent of mass communication, something which can bring people together rather than isolating them. Modern America faces the challenge of increasing numbers of “citizens” rather than social isolation. Hence we have a conference of frightened men and women who devoutly believe that America’s future is threatened based on their fear of an influx of foreign-born “criminals” and “traitors”.
Any objective reader of American history knows that, along with our golden virtues of enterprise and generosity, we possess a seemingly inbred xenophobia especially when it comes to Catholics, southern and eastern Europeans, Jews, blacks and Hispanics. An objective reading of history also reveals that our ancestors established our own domination of this continent by poisoning, outtrading, betraying, and murdering the large Native American population who lived here before us.
Therein lies the irony. Politicians in 2008 insist that a government of laws is the greatest antidote against the seemingly inevitable “mongrelization” of American society. They tell us that Democrats are willing to import immigrants illegally to obtain likely voters and that Republicans encourage illegal immigration for cheap labor and both are willing violators of the law. Thus they insist we need better laws and law enforcement and perhaps a good fence.
I suggest that we go to the root of the matter. We’ve got to stop isolating ourselves from folks because they’re black or Hispanic. We imported the Irish to die during the civil war, we brought in the Chinese and Japanese to build our railroads and we brought southern and eastern Europeans to work in our factories and mines because it was to our national advantage. It’s clear that we possess a superiority complex. It’s pretty obvious that we regard ourselves as superior because we’re Americans and thus are “God’s favorites”.
I don't contend that one hundred years hence America will be the same as it is today. Remember that most of America’s “founding fathers” were rural land owners, owned slaves, and had a much narrower world experience than most high school students possess today. Our founders couldn’t even begin to comprehend either the best or the worst aspects of life in 2008. In short, we’re in no better position than our forefathers were to predict what people will prefer a century from now. Certainly we do our current constituency no favor by frightening them with our nagging worries and prejudices as to the real motives of immigrants—legal or illegal.
I’ll gladly put my love, pride and regard for America out for comparison with those who insist that Americans are superior to all other human beings because of our political system. I heartily agree that our political system is the greatest ever conceived and constructed before or since 1787, but history clearly demonstrates that our moral behavior has very often fallen short of the ideals on which our laws and political system are based.
Finally, I can assure anyone with whom I ever come in contact that when life is over, no one, absolutely no one, will enter Heaven just because he or she was born a naturalized citizen of the United States of America. I will also assert that if God grants humans in some distant time the capacity to establish a society even greater than America’s, only a fool would stand in His way!
RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
WHAT CAN WE DO FOR MAMA
By Edwin Cooney
With Mother’s Day approaching, I was wondering what I could do to make Mama know how special she really is. As everyone knows, the best place to straighten out one’s confusion about any topic is to visit one’s local watering hole and there converse with the really wise and knowledgeable.
So, just the other day I visited mine and there, as usual, were my two buddies Lunkhead and Dunderhead.
“Ya know,” I said as I took my usual seat between them at the bar, “Mother’s Day is coming up this Sunday. Two years ago I sent her flowers and last year I gave her one of those Vermont Teddy Bears. Any clothing or jewelry she has must come from my father. So, I’ll be damned if I know what else to do to let her know how special she is.”
“Well,” said Lunkhead, “you could buy her a lottery ticket and put it inside a homemade card and, even if she doesn’t win the lottery, she’ll at least have evidence of your love, loyalty, and creativity.”
“Ah, that’s no good,” Dunderhead responded. “I tried that a couple of years ago. I bought a lottery ticket that actually got me fifty bucks and instead of keeping it myself, I put it in a homemade Mother’s Day card and gave it to my Mama. But even when she found out it was a winner, she wouldn’t turn it in because it was part of her Mother’s Day card. She said, ‘I’m not going to give the government any part of my favorite son’s Mother’s Day card, even if I do get fifty dollars. The government already gets enough out of your father and me!’”
“Well,” replied Lunkhead, “Aside from the fact that you’re her only son, which automatically makes you her favorite son, your story rings pretty true for a change, Dunderhead. The more I spend on my mother each year, the more embarrassed she gets. Now, it’s different when it comes to my wife. If I buy anything cheap or repetitive for her on Mother’s Day or any other day, believe me she notices -- even if it’s supposed to be a gift from our son.”
“I know what you mean,” said Dunderhead after swallowing a large sip of his beer, “but that’s because she’s your wife, not your mother. I’ll bet she doesn’t even really like your mother, I know my wife doesn’t like my mother at all.”
“Yeh,” Lunkhead replied, “my wife is always complaining that my mother makes too many excuses for me, but as for liking her, actually, I think my wife feels sorry for my mother.” Lunkhead stirred the ice in his drink with his swizzle stick.
“I understand,” Dunderhead shot back, “I’m with your wife. I feel sorry for your mother, too.”
“You mean, fellows,” I asked, “the very same woman acts differently as a wife than she does as a mother?”
“Of course!” Dunderhead replied impatiently. “Our daughter could give my wife a couple of colored balloons with “Happy Mother’s Day” on the side and she’d think it was a splendid present. On the other hand, my mother wouldn’t cash in her winning lottery ticket a couple of years ago, but you can be sure that if my father had given her the ticket, she’d have turned it in in “a New York minute.”
“Wait a minute, guys!” I exclaimed, “Do you mean that wives appreciate their children, but not their husbands?”
“No,” said Lunkhead, “Wives appreciate their husbands, especially if a husband goes all out to please his wife, but she appreciates her child differently.”
“That’s right,” Dunderhead responded, “Lunkhead shows much wisdom here for a change. Motherhood is the greatest opportunity any woman has to be of wholehearted service and therefore she protects that opportunity to serve no matter how much it costs her. The danger in celebrating Mother’s Day, especially when you’re a struggling adult, is that you can easily overdo it. If Mama thinks you’re spending too much money on her, you can definitely ruin her Mother’s Day. The best thing you can do for your mother is to reassure her that you’re happy and that you’re you.”
“Is that so,” I mumbled.
“Exactly,” said Lunkhead, “I know a couple of mothers who, believe it or not, are actually embarrassed about being made too much of on Mother’s Day. Most mothers appreciate presents and you can go ahead and send them flowers or candy, but your very existence is the greatest gift they’ve ever received.”
“That’s right,” Dunderhead chimed in, “no human being loves you like your mother, even if you’ve grown up to become a lawyer, a politician, or an overpaid professional sports figure.”
“Wow,” I said, “Mothers sure are wonderfully thoughtful, kind, and understanding, aren’t they!”
“They are,” said Lunkhead, “but don’t let ‘em catch you without your coat!”
RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY
With Mother’s Day approaching, I was wondering what I could do to make Mama know how special she really is. As everyone knows, the best place to straighten out one’s confusion about any topic is to visit one’s local watering hole and there converse with the really wise and knowledgeable.
So, just the other day I visited mine and there, as usual, were my two buddies Lunkhead and Dunderhead.
“Ya know,” I said as I took my usual seat between them at the bar, “Mother’s Day is coming up this Sunday. Two years ago I sent her flowers and last year I gave her one of those Vermont Teddy Bears. Any clothing or jewelry she has must come from my father. So, I’ll be damned if I know what else to do to let her know how special she is.”
“Well,” said Lunkhead, “you could buy her a lottery ticket and put it inside a homemade card and, even if she doesn’t win the lottery, she’ll at least have evidence of your love, loyalty, and creativity.”
“Ah, that’s no good,” Dunderhead responded. “I tried that a couple of years ago. I bought a lottery ticket that actually got me fifty bucks and instead of keeping it myself, I put it in a homemade Mother’s Day card and gave it to my Mama. But even when she found out it was a winner, she wouldn’t turn it in because it was part of her Mother’s Day card. She said, ‘I’m not going to give the government any part of my favorite son’s Mother’s Day card, even if I do get fifty dollars. The government already gets enough out of your father and me!’”
“Well,” replied Lunkhead, “Aside from the fact that you’re her only son, which automatically makes you her favorite son, your story rings pretty true for a change, Dunderhead. The more I spend on my mother each year, the more embarrassed she gets. Now, it’s different when it comes to my wife. If I buy anything cheap or repetitive for her on Mother’s Day or any other day, believe me she notices -- even if it’s supposed to be a gift from our son.”
“I know what you mean,” said Dunderhead after swallowing a large sip of his beer, “but that’s because she’s your wife, not your mother. I’ll bet she doesn’t even really like your mother, I know my wife doesn’t like my mother at all.”
“Yeh,” Lunkhead replied, “my wife is always complaining that my mother makes too many excuses for me, but as for liking her, actually, I think my wife feels sorry for my mother.” Lunkhead stirred the ice in his drink with his swizzle stick.
“I understand,” Dunderhead shot back, “I’m with your wife. I feel sorry for your mother, too.”
“You mean, fellows,” I asked, “the very same woman acts differently as a wife than she does as a mother?”
“Of course!” Dunderhead replied impatiently. “Our daughter could give my wife a couple of colored balloons with “Happy Mother’s Day” on the side and she’d think it was a splendid present. On the other hand, my mother wouldn’t cash in her winning lottery ticket a couple of years ago, but you can be sure that if my father had given her the ticket, she’d have turned it in in “a New York minute.”
“Wait a minute, guys!” I exclaimed, “Do you mean that wives appreciate their children, but not their husbands?”
“No,” said Lunkhead, “Wives appreciate their husbands, especially if a husband goes all out to please his wife, but she appreciates her child differently.”
“That’s right,” Dunderhead responded, “Lunkhead shows much wisdom here for a change. Motherhood is the greatest opportunity any woman has to be of wholehearted service and therefore she protects that opportunity to serve no matter how much it costs her. The danger in celebrating Mother’s Day, especially when you’re a struggling adult, is that you can easily overdo it. If Mama thinks you’re spending too much money on her, you can definitely ruin her Mother’s Day. The best thing you can do for your mother is to reassure her that you’re happy and that you’re you.”
“Is that so,” I mumbled.
“Exactly,” said Lunkhead, “I know a couple of mothers who, believe it or not, are actually embarrassed about being made too much of on Mother’s Day. Most mothers appreciate presents and you can go ahead and send them flowers or candy, but your very existence is the greatest gift they’ve ever received.”
“That’s right,” Dunderhead chimed in, “no human being loves you like your mother, even if you’ve grown up to become a lawyer, a politician, or an overpaid professional sports figure.”
“Wow,” I said, “Mothers sure are wonderfully thoughtful, kind, and understanding, aren’t they!”
“They are,” said Lunkhead, “but don’t let ‘em catch you without your coat!”
RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY
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