THE TRUISM THAT GRABBED ME

By Edwin Cooney

A few days ago, under the heading “Of Low Importance,” a friend sent me a set of some thirty-plus “truisms.” She was right: most of them were true enough, but only of the slightest significance. Two of the better ones were:

“I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.”

“I would rather try to carry ten plastic grocery bags in each hand than take two trips to bring my groceries in.”

There was one, however, that grabbed me, because thinking about it brought me pretty close to the root of human nature. Here it is in all its glory:

“Poor decisions make good stories.”

It’s hard to argue with that one! Recently, I was listening to a commercial advertising a new book by a noted American author. It’s a horror novel about a gentleman (I use the term advisedly, of course!) who is in trouble -- big time. We hear him on the commercial saying something like:

“My girlfriend was just murdered and now they’re saying that I murdered my wife.”

Wow! Did he really do that? Maybe I’d better buy that book!

What do we like to read about? Well, there’s murder; there’s divorce, there’s kidnappings (that was really popular in the 1930s after the Lindbergh baby was kidnapped), there are “good” wars like World War II, there’s Watergate and, of course, there are catastrophes like a nuclear holocaust. White House mistresses are still a popular topic — you get the point.

The question is, of course, why do poor choices make good stories? If I had a panel of sociologists, psychologists, or clergy persons to ask, I’d do that, but I’ll leave this discussion between you and me.

I don’t know about you, but from the time I was young and began listening to good stories, I enthusiastically identified with the hero. It didn’t have to be Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn of adventure book fame. It could be the Shadow or the Lone Ranger on the radio. It might be the Adventures of Peter Rabbit. The story of the Tortoise and the Hare was also quite exciting. Invariably, I got used to picking sides as you may well have. The “pickles” most of these characters were thrust into were due to the circumstances of their existence.

Tom and Huck couldn’t help it: they lived on the Mississippi River and no self-respecting American kid (except perhaps young Abe Lincoln and one or two others) had any use for books. The Shadow had a rare gift he had to show off: the ability to cloud evil men’s minds so that they could not see him. As for Peter Rabbit and the tortoise, as denizens of the forest, it was only natural that some other creature or some terrible man like Farmer McGregor would make life difficult for them.

As we get older, however, spies, criminals, crafty politicians (some say there’s no difference between the last two types), and desperate spouses hold our attention. They compel us to watch all those TV programs brought to us by life insurance companies and tax accountants who assure us that they can rescue us if we make poor choices such as cheating the government or driving too recklessly. (Of course, not long ago, these same programs were brought to us by cigarette and beer manufacturers — so perhaps American society is making some progress!)

Still, there are good decisions that also make good stories. We’re all encouraged by the stories of people who overcome their poor choices, who conquer disability or who discover the power of religion. There’s the story of the astronauts of Apollo Thirteen who came home by way of the moon following an explosion inside their spacecraft shortly after launch. Then, there’s the recent heroism of Sully Sullenberger, the pilot who saved his passengers from disaster by setting his aircraft down in the Hudson River that cold day in January 2009.

Nevertheless, the truth is that you and I are most interesting to most people (minus our friends and those who love us best) when we’ve been at least a tiny bit bad.

As the French would say, “n’est-ce pas?”

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY