BEWARE—PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE REMAINS AT LARGE

By Edwin Cooney

I devoutly wish, especially in the past few days, that I’d never met him. Yes, “Public Enemy Number One” is definitely male, for while he possesses elements of the fair gender, he’s constructed too solidly to be anything but male.

It’s not that he lacks wisdom or that he’s entirely antisocial; in fact, one of his most powerful weapons is that he can be very sociable. The burdens of parenthood are often eased when he directs their children. He must be captured and controlled by you and me, (especially by me) or he’s powerful enough to destroy us—individually and collectively. A list of his major achievements or dastardly deeds might be useful.

Going back to biblical times (sorry, but I’m not very knowledgeable about ancient history), he even stalked the Disciples of Christ, but they nevertheless kept spreading Christ’s gospel. Of course, it must be remembered that because they ignored him, most of the twelve died as martyrs to their creed.

It‘s not that he’s anti-religious. In fact, so powerful is Public Enemy Number One that he’s been given a vital role in all of humankind’s religious theologies with the possible exception of Buddhism or Hinduism –I’m not sure which. He is a vital part of the ying and the yang of human comprehension, similar to happiness and sadness, or love and hate.

Through the centuries, he’s befriended and victimized the most powerful rulers of nations including Henry VIII of England, Catherine the Great and Ivan the Terrible of Russia, Adolf Hitler, master of Germany’s Third Reich, and even some of our greatest presidents. Okay, since you insist, I’ll name two presidents who were especially adept at using Public Enemy Number One: Franklin Delano Roosevelt and his youthful admirer Ronald Wilson Reagan.

Although we’re often stopped short and even thunderstruck by the force of Public Enemy Number One when we confront him, we still conveniently use him when we need to control other individuals and situations. His greatest offense is when he masquerades as bravery, political wisdom, religious piety, and especially—love.

Public Enemy Number One is especially cruel to the gentle and vulnerable among us. He institutionalizes loneliness and emptiness. He preys on those who have been the victim of physical disease, economic depression, war, injustice and individual infidelity. His worst sin is that he too often stultifies the possible when it sincerely offers the best for the future.

Public Enemy Number One is even worse than hate. Hate hides nothing. Hate’s purpose is domination and destruction. Hate at least is right out there for all to see and use for one’s own squalid advantage.

In fact, just like fire, atomic energy, and instantaneous communication, Public Enemy Number One is often vital to our own survival.

Nevertheless, more than hate, more than war, human prejudice, thievery, human betrayal, pain, and death itself—I despise him.

The late great J. Edgar Hoover used to insist that Public Enemy Number one was Al Capone, John Dillinger, Lucky Luciano or Joseph Stalin. He even suggested near the end of his forty-two year stint as FBI Director that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was pretty close to being Public Enemy Number One.

When I was growing up, I didn’t have a lot of enemies. Invariably, I assigned the position of Public Enemy Number One to certain teachers or residential school houseparents. As far as I was concerned, Public Enemy Number One’s most deadly weapons were school, coconut desserts, cauliflower, and asparagus -- I’ve since upgraded those vegetables, especially the former -- and, yes, please forgive me, dear God, long boring church services.

The damndest reality in the whole world however is that I need him. Without his damnable existence, I’d still be smoking a pack or so of cigarettes a day instead of puffing a gentle pipe. I’d cross streets less cautiously than I do. I’d be less diplomatic than I am. Impatience would inevitably overrule caution or diplomacy in my relationship with others. I’d probably talk too much and listen too little. Worst of all, if I hadn’t experienced Public Enemy Number One in recent days, I probably wouldn’t have anything to write about this week.

As persistent as he is, Public Enemy Number One’s most amazing quality is his audaciousness even though he’s been exposed for the villain that he is. He’s even been identified from the east steps of the Capital of the United States of America. History tells us that he was identified by the first of the two U.S. Presidents named above who asserted:

“This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly… So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself!”

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY