WHAT IS -- THE PRESENT -- THAT’S FUTURE’S GATEWAY

By Edwin Cooney

I began last week’s column by observing that I’m not big on “what ifs” in sports, politics or in my personal life.

One of you, a wise and wonderfully sweet former teacher of mine, wrote me observing that “what if” is far less important than “what is” and of course she’s right.

All our lives, those who have authority or influence over us urge us to freely and cheerfully offer and expect the best from others. The problem is that, as hard as we try, the world is filtered through our awareness and that awareness is inevitably affected by our experiences. If we’ve had largely rewarding experiences, then it’s reasonably easy to expect and receive the best. If our experiences have been less than the best, even traumatic on occasion, acceptance of the best the future may hold for us can be pretty hard to swallow.

Did you ever stop and wonder what empowers you to dare? My third grade teacher, a lady with the formidable name of Sophie Peruzzin, used to call me “the darer.” I wasn’t as brave as some of the bigger boys, but I would often accept a dare.

At the east and west entrances of our main building on the campus of our residential school for the blind, there were about 10 or maybe 15 steps from ground level to the approach to the doors as I remember it. On the sides of the steps, there were two broad side railings that you could sit on. You could also jump from them. You could jump backwards from them, too. The first time you did that, you got “oos and ahs” from the kids who were a tad less brave than you. That turned a dare into a thrill. I never got as brave as a couple of kids who would, from a standing position, leap from the playground swing as it reached its greatest height, yelling “happy landing” as they jumped out. I had more sense than that! However, I earned Mrs. Peruzzin’s nickname for me at least up until the fourth grade!

Hence, we’re left with two things, the reward and the thrill. So, what is the reward when we dare to dare?

As I see it, what makes us dare is the value we put on the perceived gratification the dare offers. Youthful dares generally offer temporary thrills. However, as life moves on, both the risks and the rewards we seek become more formidable. Since we see “what is” primarily through the window of our own perceptions and experiences, what we fear losing most is control as we dare to dare.

A few years ago, there was a speedy ballplayer named Mickey Rivers -- “Mick the Quick” they called him. “Mick the Quick” was something of a philosopher. His real name was John Milton Rivers, so he was actually born into his avocation. One of his many observations went something like this:


“Ain't no sense worrying about the things you got control over 'cause if you got control over 'em, ain't no sense worrying. Ain't no sense worrying about the things you got no control over, 'cause if you got no control over 'em, ain't no sense worrying.”

Very few of us live absolutely alone. Invariably, we are dependent on others who also have a lifetime of needs and fears that makes life as it is quite treacherous. I think the surest way to make the best of “what is” is to think of and invite friends, business associates, family, and especially your lover to be your partner. Partners share ideas, plans, experiences and feelings, thus building something that is greater than the number of people involved.

Not all of your partnership experiences will be either easy or pleasant. Sometimes partners need steady support as they seek strength to perform their portion of the partnership. That may occasionally require a nurturing partner—-as all partners must be--to carry as much as 51 to 90 percent of the load. Partners offer quality time, sympathetic listening, acknowledgment and sharing. Each partner is required to protect and receive protection, to offer and receive respect and consideration, to care for and be cared about.

Together, partners can often replace the shadows of unhappy experiences to let in the golden light, not by magic but due to something they’ve been working for. Thus, acquaintances become friends, professional associates become teams, and business partnerships more likely become profitable. In families, healthy partnerships enhance life.

Once in a while, two special friends raise their partnership to a level that makes “what is” -- the present -- become the very best of all partnerships. I think they’re called romances!

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY