IN SEARCH OF "NICE!"

By Edwin Cooney

As I was listening to the Yankees/Royals broadcast the other night, I learned that Yankee relief pitcher Mariano Rivera had injured the anterior cruciate ligament in his right knee and consequently will be out for the season.  In addition to that, he is 42 years old so this injury might well have a detrimental effect on his career.  Not only that, Mariano’s fate is likely to have a negative effect on the fate of the 2012 New York Yankees.  Not only that, Mariano, in addition to being a splendid athlete, is a genuine role model for other players and for kids who may one day become professional baseball players.  Not only that, Mariano, a native of Panama, (remember, the country we stole land from -- fair and square -- on which we built “our” Panama canal!) is a God-fearing family man.  Above all that, he’s a hell-of-a-nice guy.  (Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter is possibly even a nicer guy!)

That’s what I need you to help me with!  What makes people nice?  Can the “nice” among us have a serious flaw or two?  For example, might someone who’s in prison convicted of a felony of which they’re really guilty still be a nice guy or gal?  How many “nice” people do you know?  What about them makes them nice?  Are they really nice or perhaps only nice to you?

There are elements of "nice" that are pretty obvious.  Someone who is thoughtful and generally pleasant toward others most of the time possesses a strong element of niceness.  Someone who shares or is in other ways generous to most people is someone who might deserve the label “nice”.  In case you think I’ve run out of legitimate wonderments about “nice,” here are a few questions you might help me think about (if you yourself are really “nice”):

What percentage of the time does one have to behave “nicely” in order to rate as being nice?

Can somebody really be a “nice” person without others realizing it? In other words, can someone be “nice” in a vacuum?

Is “niceness” a learned phenomenon or is it a part of one’s nature?

Has Great Britain had any “nice” kings or queens?

Are people of the clergy naturally or automatically “nice”?

Are there “nice” politicians?

Does our Internal Revenue Service employ any “nice” people?

Have we had any “nice” presidents?

Was Leo (the Lip) Durocher right when he asserted that “nice” guys finish last?

Finally--get ready for this one!—was Jesus “nice?”

I know a few people I’d call nice and I know a lot of people who I not only love but also admire who I wouldn’t even consider as candidates for the label “nice.”  Well, maybe they’re candidates, but only that!

I have a special friend I’ll call JJ here.  (Those are not all of her initials). She’s “nice,” in my opinion, because she’s constantly sunny in disposition as well as being thoughtful of others.  No matter what subject you’re discussing with her, she’ll compel you to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.  I emphatically deny that I consider her "nice" just because she makes delicious Christmas cookies -- which she indeed does!

I know a gentleman who was once my pastor who I consider a genuinely “nice” person who is a cut above most people in awareness and consideration of others.

As for my best friend, to me and to many, many others, she’s splendid in so many ways, but “nice?" -- I can’t really say for certain.  Perhaps I’m simply too sentimentally close to her to make a judgment.

As for my lads, they’ve both grown “nicer” with maturity.  However, like their old man, being labeled “nice” is a goal yet to be realized.

As for myself, I’m not even close to "nice". I do possess some “golden virtues,” but I’m too opinionated, self-centered, egotistical, and confrontational to be a “nice guy”.

There are those among us who (believe it or not) don’t much like “nice” people.  I think that’s because “nice” people are pretty exacting role models to follow.  It may well be that those who don’t much like the “nice” people in the world struggle with a less than positive self-image.

Ah! Perhaps I’ve just run into a vital element of niceness!  Perhaps a really “nice” person must have a really positive self image!  Hmmm!

The late great comedian George Carlin, during a comic routine, labeled “nice” as not only boring but “flabby” as a way of describing someone’s day or personality.  Yet to be described as a “nice” person is a little like being treated to a delicious dessert -- or like being kissed on the cheek by someone who’s lingering kisses might indeed be available in the near future.

From all I’ve read, I can name five “nice” presidents—-Abraham Lincoln, William McKinley, William Howard Taft, Warren Harding and Jerry Ford.  (Damn! All Republicans!}  Hence, a president can legitimately be categorized as "great" without also being a “nice” guy.

To be “nice” hardly calls for perfection, but it requires aspects of behavior and character that are both magnificent and immeasurable.

Hmmm! I wonder what they are!

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,

EDWIN COONEY