A HODGEPODGE

By Edwin Cooney

California Governor Gavin Newsom announced last Wednesday, March 13th, that he was suspending capital punishment as long as he serves as governor of that state. I thought about perhaps waxing joyously eloquent on that topic and then it hit me. If I celebrate the further crippling of capital punishment, it’s more than likely some readers will read my joy as a criticism of something they believe in and they will feel wronged — or perhaps a better word is invalidated. Generally, I’m perfectly willing to risk that  (otherwise why would I write these weekly musings), but it occurred to me that perhaps I ought to write a brief guide on how those who are pro-Trump and anti-Trump might best communicate. I’ve decided to fill your head with a hodgepodge of knowledge, thoughts, and ideas that might be useful, entertaining, or even helpful in some way. So, here goes:

MORE ON CAPITAL PUNISHMENT: Three states have never executed anyone since joining the Union. They are Alaska, Hawaii and Michigan. The death penalty was legal in Michigan when it joined the Union in 1837, but it was abolished in 1846 before it was ever used.

HISTORICAL TIDBIT: In case you’ve ever wondered who the first presidential couple to give birth to a child while in the White House was, it was Grover and Frances Cleveland. Their second daughter Esther was born on Saturday, September 9th, 1893. Frances Folsom Cleveland was 27 years younger than the president. Their oldest daughter who was called “Baby Ruth” was born in Buzzards Bay, Massachusetts in 1891 between Cleveland’s first and second terms. Baby Ruth was somehow disabled and she died suddenly of diphtheria in 1904 at age 13. The popular candy bar was named for Baby Ruth, not for Babe Ruth, the baseball star.

HOW ABOUT THIS HISTORY LESSON: You and I have been taught all our lives that Winston Churchill created the phrase “the Iron Curtain” at Fulton, Missouri on March 5th, 1946. However, that phrase used to describe Soviet Russia was first used in 1920 by Ethel Snowden in her book “Through Bolshevik Russia.” Mr. Churchill obviously read it and sat on it until the appropriate time. Meanwhile, German propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels warned in his weekly newspaper Das Reich that if Germany lost the war, an “iron curtain” would fall across all Europe due to an agreement between Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin at Yalta. Mr. Churchill first used the term in a May 12th, 1945 telegram to President Truman in which he wrote of the mass emigration of people from Soviet territory to the west who were fleeing “the iron curtain.”

There was a side to Winston Churchill that too few people ever saw. He loved animals and children. According to Andrew Roberts, author of “Churchill: Walking With Destiny,” around 1923 or 1924, his daughter’s pug dog suddenly became quite ill. To ease his own anxiety and hers, Winston Churchill wrote the following poem:

Oh, what is the matter with poor Puggy-Wug?

Pet him and kiss him and give him a hug.

Run and fetch him a suitable drug.

Wrap him up tenderly all in a rug.

That is the way to cure Puggy-Wug.

Puggy-Wug got better.

HERE’S A “NAUGHTY” FOR YOU: A short time ago, a friend I’ll call “Lady Hush-hush,” sent me a delightful story regarding the origin of the naughty word S.H.I.T.  The story says the word sh*t originated as an acronym  for the phrase “ship high in transit.” Supposedly, ships in the 18th Century took aboard large amounts of animal feces to burn in engines usually fueled by wood which was very heavy. Feces was much lighter but invariably stank.  “Cow pies,” as they were supposedly called, became a muddy stinky mess if they were stored at the bottom of ships. Hence, every box of feces was stamped S.H.I.T. for “Ship high in transit.” 

According to lexicographer Hugh Rawson in his book “Wicked Words,” the word sh*t is about a thousand years old and came from the old English verb “scitan” or from the Indo-European word “skei” which means to split. Other words like schedule, science, and shield also come from skei. 

It has also been observed that the word sh*t has been used by military men who attended West Point but didn’t want to acknowledge it so they often referred to that institution as the  “South Hudson Institute of Technology.” 

Finally, either Dr. Hugh Rawsom or David Emery, the author of the article I’ve just been  quoting from, also observes that anyone who tells you about “ship high in transit” “…doesn’t know sh*t about sh*t!”

Isn’t it amazing how anxious many of us are to discover and document historical excuses for our silliest perversions? Perhaps Mark Twain best explained the above when he noted: “Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to!”

FINALLY, SOME CONSERVATIVE, PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME:  Why did President Trump, rather than Boeing, have to ground those 737 Max planes early this week? What am I missing, please? By being forced to do it himself, President Trump has made the best case he possibly could for the need of government regulation of business. Left on its own, free enterprise (which has never been and never will be at all “free,” especially for the public) has “missed the bus,” as British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain once said of Adolf Hitler. Capitalism makes a lot of money for those who need and don’t need it alike, but historically it has gobbled up millions of lives for its own profit.

Okay, that’s my hodgepodge. If you didn’t like or agree with all of it, that’s because… it’s a hodgepodge!

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,

EDWIN COONEY