By Edwin Cooney
At the close of last week's musing, I asserted that politics is a combination of both principle and hoax. Hence, the question is: how can the impeachment process, legitimate and constitutional as it is, be anything other than both principle and hoax and, thus, all about politics? Since I'm of limited wisdom, I decided to connect once again with my old watering hole buddies, Lunkhead and Dunderhead, in order to get a bit of perspective. After all, if there's anyone who needs perspective more than me, I haven't met him!
Lunkhead and Dunderhead had obviously been waiting for me as I entered because there was an empty seat between them along the bar. Lunkhead had lately swapped his old battered fedora for a "Trump in 2020” baseball cap. He was still big and burly and he had an unlit heavily chewed cigar jutting out of the left side of his mouth which he'd periodically remove to take a swig of straight scotch. Dunderhead, slim and dapper with blonde curls sat with an IPA and a bowl of peanuts in front of him. Dunderhead had obviously just annoyed Lunkhead with a question or comment, because there was a rather satisfied smirk across his thin, mustachioed lips.
"Hey guys," I began, "isn't this impeachment business really all about politics?"
"Of course it is!" Lunkhead shot back. "Those damned Democrats just can't get over crooked Hillary's loss back in 2016. That's all there's ever been to their whining behavior since a really great president was finally inaugurated back on January 20th, 2017. It took President Trump to discover and expose "the deep state” that the liberal media designed for nothin' else except to wreck the people's confidence in President Trump," Lunkhead said as he gnawed down once again on his unlit cigar.
"Nuts!" Growled Dunderhead through clenched pearly white teeth, "There never has been and there never will be a "deep state.” The fact of the matter is that liberals are too contrary, even toward each other, to create such a phenomenon! Even more, the sad truth is that even if we can get Trump, we'd still have to live with a gentleman named Pence. They know it and they know that "crooked Hillary" is gone for good. They only hang on to her because they need her more than even we ever did!" Dunderhead went on, "Trump and his boot-licking supporters had to create a "deep state" in order to justify their own sense of victimhood. Trump's minions deny the legitimacy of victimhood to the poor and the minority, but they openly advertise its existence when it comes to their own woes!"
"Here's where Lunkhead is actually right for a change. Of course, impeachment is political!” asserted Dunderhead. “How could it be anything else? It was designed to be political. Congress can't send Trump to jail no matter how criminally nasty he's been, but they can legally remove him from office to face the music for his deplorable prejudices and unlawful behavior over the past twenty years or so."
"Ah!" Shouted Lunkhead slamming his empty scotch glass (which the bartender promptly refilled) down on the bar. "That's right and when that impeachment resolution goes before the people's United States Senate and is voted down, as it damned well better be, the political game will be over.”
"Maybe and maybe not," said Dunderhead. “First, there still has to be an election and I'm confident that a lot of decent people cringe on a minute by minute timetable because they've had enough of the self-serving dramatics and the obvious incompetence of the administration. Listen now, Lunkhead, it's obvious to me that Nancy Pelosi has something up her sleeve that'll rock Donald's smelly socks.”
“Nonsense!” shot back Lunkhead. "When the people's Senate finds President Trump not guilty, that'll be the second time the president has been found innocent of charges made against him. The first time was that Mueller report. This verdict will actually re-elect President Trump. Get it through your thick skull, Dunderhead. Just as Mick Mulvaney recently and succinctly put it, "get over it." Once you take this good advice, Dunderhead, and "get over it," it will set you free. You might even become a true American patriot one day!"
“Look, Lunkhead," began Dunderhead. "You're forgetting something — if you ever knew it! According to the rules of the House of Representatives, the majority may pass and then table a resolution. That means that the Democratic majority could pass Articles of Impeachment and then hold them until a more favorable time."
"Does that mean that they could hold up those Articles of Impeachment until after a possible re-election of President Trump?” I asked.
"Precisely and absolutely!” Dunderhead chortled.
The rest was all dramatic but inconsequential — sort of!
"That would be cowardly, just like traditional Democrats," Lunkhead shouted.
"That's just plain smart which President Donnie Johnny isn't!" Dunderhead insisted.
Lunkhead, for the second but final time that night, slammed his empty scotch glass on the bar and headed toward the door with Dunderhead right on his heels. In defiance of the no smoking ban, Lunkhead's cigar came to life just as he pushed the door open and that sweet but pungent smell became quickly apparent.
Suddenly it was all over and, as I paid the check, my real value to Lunkhead and Dunderhead became, as the late great Richard Milhous Nixon might observe, "perfectly clear!"
Still, I knew that sooner than later, we’d all be back together at the old watering hole!
RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY
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