MY DECADE OF CONTENTMENT

By Edwin Cooney

This Thursday, March 9th, 2023, will mark the 10th anniversary of Edwin Cooney and Marsha Lee Chatelain Ferri Cooney's marriage. Although I'll never try and tell you that things are perfect between us (after all, we're both too smart to be perfect!), speaking strictly for me, it's been just fine, thank you! Here's why:

From the very beginning of my existence, family life has been hit-or-miss. I've lived in foster homes, two orphanages, and I've boarded out with a family or two. Hence, family life hasn't been at all natural for me. My family situation vastly solidified in August of 1964 when Edith Gassman, one of my NYSSB houseparents, lovingly took me into her family without any conditions.

Then, in the fall of 1977, I married a gal called Marleen and we almost immediately had a very handsome baby boy we named Eric. Four years later, we had a wonderfully sweet and funny little boy we named Ryan. My union with Marleen was rocky from the outset and a quarter of the way into our 10th year we mutually decided to divorce. My marriage to Marsha ten years ago this coming Thursday marked a second chance to get something very important right. After all, how many second chances does anyone get to experience a do-over?

No couple’s life is easy as natural as it may be anatomically, emotionally, or spiritually. One of my junior college professors told us that even more than loving someone, a person must really and truly like that someone. (By the way, that’s only the second wisest observation you'll find in this message — stay tuned for the wisest.)

Of course, the older most of us get, the steadier we become due to experiences both bad and good. These last ten years have been a chance to listen better, to share more deeply, and to understand someone else's emotions and inconsistencies besides merely my own. The most important aspect of ultimate love is trust and, as beckoning as trust is, it can be challenging and at times even a burden!

Marsha is a lovely little lady. She's thoughtful, she anticipates worries and needs even when those needs aren't always comfortable. She's absolutely beautiful in church — she sings like an angel. She keeps me aware of her feelings no matter what her feelings are! Finally, she really and truly likes herself.(Have I ever mentioned that until I was 12 I was called “Eddie” because I disliked Edwin, my given name? Marsha calls me “Eddie Bear.")

No, things aren't perfect. I like sports and she doesn't. Her musical tastes are much more catholic than mine. She tolerates my pipe and cigar smoking as long as I keep my door closed. I'm very patient and she's the opposite — she wants everything to work out yesterday while I'll happily wait for tomorrow. Marsha is more of a morning person while I'm more of a night guy. She's a wonderful cook. She likes her food “hotter” than I need my food.

Thus, the last ten years have been pretty comfortable. Will that continue? I certainly hope so, but we're not getting any younger! The world is steadily changing. We like many things, although not all things, the way they used to be. Those we know and love are also getting older and that's downright scary!

I'd say that our marriage is pretty much a fifty-fifty proposition insofar as understanding and sharing go. As most of you are aware, Ronald and Nancy Reagan were far from my ideal couple, but Nancy once made an observation about marriage that I think is right on. She said that the ideal marriage is a 50-50 proposition. However, on occasion, it can be a 95 to 5 percent situation. (Wow, Nancy, that was really and truly a wise observation!)

I’ll close with an observation of my own. Here's how you know when you love someone whether or not you're married.

You love someone when you realize that their well-being matters to you as much as your own!

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,

EDWIN COONEY