Monday, May 28, 2018

YOU’RE WELCOME, YOU’RE WELCOME, ALREADY! BUT PULL THE PLUG ON SOME OF THAT GRATITUDE, PLEASE!

By Edwin Cooney

I know you’re not going to believe this, but just three weeks after interviewing Uncle Sam, Father Time arranged an interview for me with “The Unknown Soldier.” I came away from that interview with a few pieces of advice and an interesting perspective. Here — I’ll share them with you this Memorial Day.

“So! You’re the real Unknown Soldier from World War I. Is that right?” I asked.

“Yah, that’s me,” he said, “but don’t ask me too many questions, because I like being unknown. If your readers get to thinking they actually know me, I’d lose my job.”

“Yes,” I said, “but people get real satisfaction remembering you because as an unknown, you could be anyone’s beloved ancestor. Isn’t there some glory in that?” 
I inquired.

“What makes you or anyone else think I get a special kick out of  being glorified? What worries me most is that by glorifying me, political leaders of all nationalities and types invariably give themselves permission to think about winning future wars thereby creating generations of new Unknown Soldiers!”

“Why would they do that?” I asked.

“I think there are several reasons for that,” he said, pulling out a tiny American flag from his jacket. 

“First, war is almost a tradition among the nations of the world. If you don’t believe me, consider this: much of the time, if a nation isn’t at war with another nation, leaders arrange quarrels among their own people. For example, take 21st Century America and its political and social divides.  Currently, you’re involved in a severe culture war. You have Conservative versus Liberal, the secular-minded versus the religious-oriented and, as always, the haves versus the have-nots. When I was growing up, there were also several unfortunate social divides: farmers versus railroads, labor versus management, and, of course, cowboys versus Indians, just to name three.

“Second, somehow humanity believes down where it lives that a punch in the nose is more powerful than a handshake or even a hug. Waging peace, as President Eisenhower reminded us in his 1964 book by that name, is much much more difficult than giving way to national and international anger thus creating war. Hasn’t one of the most popular slogans since World War II been ‘peace through strength’? I believe that myth comes through Mr. Churchill who, throughout much of his life, was as much a warrior as he was a politician. The idea is that two strong nations will avoid fighting each other. If one of two contesting nations is weak, war is more than likely to result. If that were true, I wouldn’t today be the Unknown Soldier! Europe had been at peace, well almost so, since the 1814 fall of Napoleon Bonaparte. By 1914, the leaders of Great Britain, France, Germany, Austria-Hungry, and Russia were all heavily armed. They literally smelled of gun smoke. They weren’t afraid of one another. I would have been better off if they had been at least a little leery of each other,” asserted the Unknown Soldier with a grim smile.

“When you went off to war during World War I, was it because President Woodrow Wilson urged you to make the world safe for democracy?” I wanted to know.

“Well, as President Reagan once said to President Jimmy Carter during their only 1980 presidential debate: there you go again!” said the Unknown Soldier, as he marched steadily along.

“I knew fellows who went to war for a lot of reasons such as to avoid pregnant girlfriends and outraged fathers. I knew some who joined the army to avoid a judge’s jail sentence. Of course, there were many guys who went to war because they wanted to protect America from the Kaiser’s Prussians and that pleased President Wilson,” said the Unknown Soldier.

“What becomes increasingly bothersome to me after all these years is that the message is always the same. They cry over our loss in one breath and in the next breath they speak so glowingly of military service that the very idea that one might not want to serve seems anti-American. I agree with Harry Truman who observed ‘…any fool can go out and start a war!’ Besides, where do they get the idea that dying in war is especially glorious?”

“Okay,” I said. “Does that mean you don’t appreciate our recognition of your sacrifice?”

“Oh, it’s an honor of sorts, but it’s more of an honor for you than it is for me. Remember, funerals aren’t really for the dead, they’re for the living. America is right to celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. In that spirit I think the world would be better off celebrating  Policeman’s Day, Teacher’s Day, Doctor’s Day, Children’s Day, Farmer’s Day, Family Day or, even better, Fireman’s Day. It’s my understanding that in modern America, policemen and teachers are no longer universally admired as they were when I was growing up. That’s really and truly sad!”

The Unknown Soldier suddenly stopped in mid-march and exclaimed, “I’ve been at peace for nearly a century now. My pain was terrible, but short. I think you need my blessing much more than I need yours!”

Thus, as he slowly but steadily faded off into the mist, he almost prayerfully proclaimed:

“If you’d only honor your living selves I’d understand. I don’t quite understand as of now that you’ve really and truly learned from my loss. If you’d first value life before physical or material gain, before national and political pride, my peace would be even sweeter, because I’d be reassured that never again would there be a need for an Unknown Soldier.”

Suddenly, he was gone and as I turned to go, the ever so faint sound of Taps came through the eternal ether.

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY  

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