A SUCKER FOR PERSPECTIVE!

By Edwin Cooney

There’s no sense in denying the truth. I’m forever trying to figure things out. The challenges are daunting.

Moneymaking has certainly never been my long suit. As for romance, the town drunk is more successful at that than I. Politics? I proudly picked a national winner in 2008 and I’m determined to vote for him again in 2012, but my Tea Party friends get their undies in a bunch every time I proclaim that -- while some of my liberal friends insist there’s no point in voting for him again. Then there’s religion or spirituality: the possibilities are endless there. I occasionally think I have a handle on that topic until I come across an email that turns me off more quickly than I turned off my last “sweetheart.”

I’m going to risk an assertion that I’m absolutely sure every one of you will get behind: you can convince me with all your might, but the instant you try and shame me, you’ve lost me.

The above assertion came swiftly and sharply to mind the other day when I received a message from a devout Christian lady.

One of the most constant threads running through inspirational email messages which we receive these days, be they spiritual or political, is the inevitable command to pass the message on. Some of the appeals to pass such messages on are bolstered with promises:

“Send this message to ten people in your address book and you’ll hear from someone you’ve longed to hear from in the next three months.”

Yes, I’ve fallen for that one! Don’t laugh too hard, please.

Then there’s the “pass this one on to ten people in your address book if you really love America” bromide which invariably consists of an ideologically framed observation or contention.

Okay, another confession: I haven’t yielded to that one because although I love America as much now as I did long ago when I was a conservative, I refuse to peddle the reckless history I invariably find in such emails.

The problem I found in this (no doubt) well-meaning lady’s message wasn’t her insistence that I should love God with all my mind, soul and strength (Matthew 22:37), it was her emphasis on “shame.”

Having received the original email at work, she had concluded that she didn’t have the time and it wasn’t appropriate for her to pass the email on while she was at work. Then she suddenly remembered the Biblical remonstration that if one doesn’t have time for or is ashamed of “the Father,” “the Father” won’t know the one who was ashamed of -- or denied -- “the Father” and “the Son.”

Filled with a sense of guilt, this no doubt fine lady proceeded to send forth this Biblical wisdom laden with Shame. In other words, if I am ashamed or don’t have the time to send an email laden with this Biblical wisdom this instant, then I don’t love God and must be denied.

Of course, I could simply delete such messages and thus not bother you with them, but my reaction to them does serve to offer some perspective. Over the years, I’ve written a couple of columns about fear being the father of anger. This awareness, as I see it, has enabled me, to a considerable extent, to control my anger by focusing on my fear which I believe to be the source of even my “legitimate” anger.

Thus, from the above mentioned inspirational email there comes a new challenge. How should one master the energy that comes from shame? When should I be ashamed? Should I be ashamed upon someone else’s proclamation or should I consider the evidence, my own actions, and the circumstances before accepting my shame?

Of course a world without shame would likely be a pretty rough place, but the use of shame as inspiration is, as I see it, a self-destructive force. Shame me and you lose me. Provide me with evidence of my wrong, my neglect, or my lack of consideration and I’ll apply the shame myself.

“What’s perspective?” you ask. Well, as I see it, it’s a combination of observation and analysis of the significance of people’s experiences and ideas. You might, after reading this piece, agree with a friend who recently observed that perspective is Ed Cooney thinking too much!

What say you?

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY