MEET LORD ATTITUDE: HE RUNS ALL OF US!

By Edwin Cooney

As I was walking down the street the other day, I came face to face with a gentleman with such an attitude that I rightly guessed that he had to be His Highness Lord Attitude. Lord Attitude's attitudes are so grandiose that Donald Trump avoids running into him! But, I had the gall to interview him the other day! Aren't I brave?

"How did you get so high and mighty, Lord Attitude?" I asked as I recovered from my shock of actually meeting him on the street.

"Oh! I was invented and ultimately assigned by the Almighty, Lord of Lords to monitor and report to Him on what attitudes are most affecting the seven deadly sins!" He exclaimed puffing on his bejeweled pipe.

"Remind me, please, of those seven deadly sins," I inquired.

"They're pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth."

"Are all of these sins bad?" I asked.

 "Of course, they're bad, stupid. After all, they're called cardinal not venal sins," huffed Lord Attitude. "They have greater and lesser degrees of intensity and do different degrees of damage, but they're still deadly sins."

"Forgive me, please, Lord Attitude," I groveled, "but isn't attitude a sin?"

"Calling me a sinner is like calling a cop a crook, you mere popinjay!" He huffed. "These seven sins are deadly to the exact extent that they feed off one another and thereby grow in their intensity. Attitude isn't a sin! Attitude can be good, bad, creative, humble, and humorous to name just a few attitudes."

"The reason I was anxious to talk to you is that a friend of mine who writes a baseball letter, picked on Aaron Judge rather than Shohei Ohtani as an example of a baseball player making more money than he's worth. I ask you, dear Lord Attitude, wasn't he guilty of both envy and pride?" I snuffled.

"You're damn straight he was both of those things, but you sniffle and snuffle thus empowering his near righteous taunts. Even worse, you bore me more than does your friend's obvious selective righteousness!" he said, turning half away from me.

"I know you're on the street due to weightier and greater matters," I said. "So, how do you assess Biden vs. Trump?" I asked.

"Biden is extremely guilty of pride, but to the degree it's possible, he's an "excuse me" sinner in comparison to the other six sins."

"As for Trump, he's a grand performer of all the seven deadly sins," asserted the mighty Lord Attitude.

I started to ask Lord Attitude which of his attitudes was most significant but suddenly he turned on his heel and stomped into the wild blue yonder.

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,

EDWIN COONEY