By Edwin Cooney
The other day, I caught up with Jack, the Democratic Party’s
donkey, as Democrats prepared for their 66th quadrennial National
Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina.
(The first year Jack was the party symbol, the Democrats re-nominated
Andrew Jackson for president at their very first national convention. That
convention was held in Baltimore, Maryland from Monday, May 21st
through Wednesday, May 23rd, 1831.) Jack was grazing in the pasture of a rich Republican North
Carolina farmer. There was a
determined look on his graying grizzled features.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked. “Aren’t there any Democratic farmers
around here where you’d be more welcome?”
“Of course, there are,” Jack brayed, “but what fun would
there be for me to graze on a Democratic farm? Besides, I’ve got a distant relation living on this farm
with the unfortunate name of Gingrich and I need to straighten him out so he
can help all the other good Democratic donkeys before Election Day.” Jack went
on, "We Democrats can win this fall if we’re all together, so that’s why
I’m here.”
“The problem we face in 2012 is a part of our heritage. Remember Will Rogers, the late, great
cowboy comedian, once said, 'I’m a
Democrat and I don’t belong to any organized political party.' Well, things haven’t really changed
since then. We don’t walk in
lockstep as our Republican cousins do, so naturally we have a lot of work to do
between now and November 6th to reelect our great president.”
“The major issue in this campaign is jobs, isn’t it?” I asked.
“I wish it were, because then it would be fair to talk about
those seven or eight million jobs lost during the last months of the Bush
administration,” Jack sneered. "Naturally, Republicans don’t want to take
any responsibility for those job losses.
They’d rather blame them all on Nancy Pelosi and Barney Frank and the
110th Congress. They
don’t even appreciate the way our candidate (now president) cooperated with
President Bush during the 2008 campaign to come up with a fix that could be
taken to Congress to meet the emergency they caused. Even worse, they want this president to get no credit
whatsoever for the jobs that have been regained since he stopped the slide the Republicans
started in the fall of 2008.
Therefore, the issue is Barack Obama as much as it is jobs.
Take 1948, for example, when the party split into three
sections: the “Dixiecrats” under Governor Strom Thurman of South Carolina, the
Progressives under former Vice President Henry Wallace of Iowa, and President
Harry Truman, of course. That
year, everything was Truman’s fault, but Harry told the truth so well about
what Republicans really stood for, that the people elected him. That’s President Obama’s job this
year. Now, no one feels sorry for
a man who thinks he’s smart enough to be president, so it’s up to him to make
his case -- but much of the opposition to him is just plain crankiness.”
“Okay, but doesn’t he have to accept some of the blame for our
current condition?” I asked.
“Sure he does and I tried to convince him to be more
aggressive toward consensus- building in the first few months of his
presidency. However, the reality is that the American people love to work us
donkeys on their farms and glory in our struggles and our stubbornness, but few
people will admit even to themselves that they’re listening to a Jackass -- not
even when they're president!
“What did you want him to do that he didn’t do?” I queried.
“I suggested to him that he hold a seminar like the one
Jerry Ford held on the economy in September 1974 shortly after he took
office. Ford publicly gathered
together labor, management, economists, farmers, academicians and just plain folks
to find a way to cooperate on the stalled economy. Well, I thought that if a public meeting of the ideologies
had been held around February or March 2009 in a place that would have forced
them to expose their worries, concerns and ambitions to the public it would
have compelled them to cooperate better than they ultimately did. However, he didn’t do that and so the
conservatives sniped at him from their well-heeled sanctuaries in Palm Beach,
Palm Springs, Wall Street, and Congress.
Ever since, they have had the initiative along with my friend Abe (the
GOP elephant) and they’ve never stopped attacking him. Part of that is his fault. He’s a superb campaigner, though, so he
can make it all up in the next two months with my help and the help of working
people all over the country.
“Ah,” I said, “but what accomplishments can he talk about?”
Jack reached into a bag he was carrying on his back and
handed me a substantial booklet called “Obama’s Fifty Major Accomplishments.”
“Here,” he said, “take this with you and share them
throughout the campaign with your few readers. I’m sure that, along with the
candidate’s persuasive ability, they will do the trick. Look, I’d stick around and chat with
you a little longer, but that distant relation of mine—Gingrich—is as stubborn
as a mule and needs my attention, especially since he’s been so busy watching
the Republican Convention. I’ll
start him off with a good swift kick where the sun seldom shines and we’ll take
it from there.”
With a bray and something a tad more odorous, Jack was
suddenly gone -- becoming no more distinguishable than any of the other
jackasses on that GOP farmer’s diggings!
I stuffed the list he’d given me into my pocket and beat
it. Perhaps I’ll share some of it
with you in the next two months!
RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED,
EDWIN COONEY
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